I've written before of a fragment that tells that the greatest gift that Hera might bestow upon a mortal is in allowing them to die in their sleep. Several tales have been written down from the ancient temples chronicling this very event - wherein those who are offered this gift fall asleep within Hera's temple never to wake.
Others tales, right up into present situations, have attributed deaths to Hera as well, but not in-so-much as a gift but as an act of vengeance in response to one offense or another. Of which, I can present what I consider to be a pain filled quote from the accuser while withholding the name of the person who sent it out of respect for the one recently taken, who said to me:
"A curse on you and your Hera for what YOU have obviously done. I would have never believed you would have gone so far to invoke pain."
This, as mentioned, I attribute to grief as it relates to me personally and chalk it up to that grief seeking someone to blame. Yet, even in the freshness of this projected grief I cannot say without certainty that Hera was not involved.
Seemingly unrelated events happened to unfold and fall into certain places that offer the accuser some logical ground to stand on. An offense was made by one party and answered by myself. To which I openly admit prophesying loss and pain for said offense. Within the same time frame that these events unfolded I did visit the river yesterday and I did bring back offerings to the Altar of Hera. 7 spiked seed pods and three roots from a potentially deadly plant that I had dedicated to Hera months ago both in practice and shared forms.
Not long after my prophesy came to light and these deadly gifts were presented to Hera, death did come within the family of the offending party. The fact that it all took place on the same day offers them their credibility of blame.
As shocking as that might be on its own it is not over. It will last for the entire phase of the full moon. More pain, suffering, and loss will come and both I and Hera will be blamed. In this, in spite of being accuse of weaving such curses, I feel nothing but sadness for them. My offerings to Hera on this day had no conscious ill intent behind them (for my own part) and as far as prophesying the loss and pain before it happened - I was simply relaying a message that had been clanging around in my head. One that I wrestled with for hours, gaining no peace of mind or emotion until after the message was delivered.
My sadness now comes to this unrest where I am unable to sleep as this very story keeps playing out in my head and keeps Hypnos far away from me.
Here at 3am I am being forced to consider the depth of my own path and practices of which are my own and of only minute interest to others as far as I am aware, in spite of how often I continue to share them. My efforts and practices are derived primarily from ancient texts which I do my best to follow to the letter in both thought and practice. Some of which has tested me with great pain and visions of what I thought might be my limit - all in the interest of devotion and gaining the favors of this one specific Goddess who has long been noted for her talents with vengeance and some of the most sadistic curses ever recorded in human history.
Of course, I am well aware and read in on what Hera might bestow on those she falls in love with as well as upon those she takes a disliking to. The contrast of which is night and day, good and down right evil.
Before this day I believed the path to be something of an adventure. From the moment I received the feather that cast me into it all, throughout all I have learned and achieved since. In the years that this path with Hera has been playing out many things have taken place that defy logical explanation and even crossed the boundaries of my healthy and well sited ego. I thought that by holding to the ancient ways rather than some neo-pagan modern spin was an honorable approach that could do no more or less than any other. Even within the trails the thought of being in over my head was only a fleeting thought until I achieved what was intended and gained the next blessing there-by. Before this day my path and relationship with Hera has never been attributed to someone's death.
When I received the above message I had no idea what the person was referring to. I didn't respond before looking around to find out what (if anything) had happened and I have not responded since I found out that a death had occurred. It caught me completely off-guard and has since put me here trying to get it all out of my head.
I visited the altar room after the discovery and upon entering was washed in a strong feeling of apprehension. I felt a pang of fear entering into my own altar room - a warning. I, in deep and stark contrast to my own sense of strength and ability, with all of my confidence and ego, felt extremely small in the anger that is currently filling that room. Anger not directed at me in the least. It is tinted with something protective but at the same time it is so intense and overwhelming that I could do nothing but lower my head and step back out of the room, closing the door behind me.
I set here now gazing through the glass with a single question echoing over and over again in my head and heart...
"What have you done?"
