Might and Magic - The Path of the Pagan Warrior

Long before I developed an interest in dusty ancient texts (or anything else for that matter) I was heavily influenced and immersing myself in the study of various martial arts. Those studies are what likely got me through my teenage years relatively unscathed. It's all I did, all I cared to do. I wasn't interested in getting my first car, drinking, drugs, school, girls... if I wasn't training, I wasn't happy.

I spent 4 years studying on my own until my parents were finally convinced enough to get me into formal training and the Imperial Dragon - a very secret society type of set up hidden away in the attic of an old auto parts building. They didn't advertise, didn't compete for points and trophies, and didn't expect you to do those things either. In fact, the first rule was: Never tell anyone about this place. The thinking was that if you sought them out and found them, you might have the qualities they were looking for. Chief among those qualities: desire.

While studying at the Imperial Dragon I continued to study on my own. I made my own training equipment, obstacle courses, weapons, and my parents even allowed me to design my own dojo in our garage which was laid out in the design of a Buddhist temple. There I studied the myths and culture of the East while beating myself to a pulp. All the while, no one outside of my family members knew anything about it until my Jr. year in high school when I was pulled into letting the cat out of the bag.

My Sensei from the Imperial Dragon was invited to give demonstrations in one of my classes. During the first part of the demonstration he didn't acknowledge me much at all as he gave a quick lesson on meditation. Which I was fine with. The second part of that same demonstration was based on how controlling one's mind aids in controlling the abilities of one's body. To demonstrate this sense of focus and control he wanted to display the standard breaking of the boards. The twist was that he called me up to do it and in doing so let all of my classmates in on my little secret.

At this point I had still never done the breaking technique nor did I care in trying it. I thought the breaking of the boards was a showman thing and I was not all that impressed by the idea showmanship because usually it just invited trouble. But in the dojo or out when your Sensei tells you to do something, you do it.

So, I stood up from my desk and walked to the center of the room, the stunned eyes of all of my classmates locked on me. I was anything but comfortable up there and can remember thinking that it was going to be the most humiliated event of my life if I failed. As my Sensei was prepping everything for the demonstration I whispered to him that I had never done the breaking technique. He whispered back that he would not have called me up there if he didn't think I could do it. He knew I was ready. I wasn't so sure.

He gave an enigmatic explanation of what we were about to show the class and took his place, board in hand, me directly in front of him, fists at the ready. I took one deep breath while staring at the wall behind my Sensei. THAT wall was my target. Not the board, not him. Just the single point on the wall behind them both. It was then that I experienced what I can only describe as tunnel vision. The room, the class, the board all fell away from my sight and all there was in my field of vision was that focal point on the wall. Seemingly in slow motion I threw the strike and stepped into it at the same time. The board snapped loudly, pieces of it flying from my Sensei's grip, exploding across the room. When my senses came flooding back I found myself gripping a fist full of his shirt. A final detail to stop the remaining power of the strike. My classmates all gasped in silence for what seemed like an eternity before they busted out in screams and applause.

Eventually I would take my studies in various martial arts and combine them with western pagan spirituality rather than the more common eastern philosophies of their origin. The psychology behind witchcraft would come into play as a new kind of technique making me into a new kind of weapon. But what I was doing back then was not your neo-pagan, love and light, we're all peaceful crap. In fact, I as doing the exact opposite and doing it all very publicly with absolutely no care for the consequences because the simple truth is: there were none. I was an absolute menace, a nightmare come to life for many. Even the police could do little to even get in my way let alone stop me. And I excelled at terrorizing anyone I took a disliking to. Beating them down both physically and mentally with techniques and notions that today I believe no one (especially a rebelling teenager) should ever possess the knowledge of. Something inside me wanted blood, blood is what it took, and lots of it.

I stayed in that state of mind for nearly 5 years before I finally outgrew it. The story of what changed me is a different tale all together. But what happened in that tale instantly put me on a path of trying to redeem myself for all of the pain and hell I had unleashed into the world.

I know all of the darkness and evil that men are capable of because I have done it all myself. In the years since, I have taken out a hundred times more evil than the victims I created when I was evil myself. But I am also well aware that no matter how immersed in the light and blessings of ancient gods I can be there is still some shred of that old darkness inside me. Still those random thoughts, emotions, desires that come from the demon half pacing and roaring in his cage. Especially when I am challenged or under high levels of stress. It's simply not a good thing for me to get angry. Anger seems to trigger that old darkness, wake it up. And when it wakes it is extremely difficult to keep it in the cage.

I have learned to control it better and use its energy in more creative ways. Working out, taking on the enormous physical challenges of The Journeybook, focusing on my spiritual path, things like that. I have tried to pass all of this knowledge of training, darkness and light down to my younger brother who today is the same age I was when I was dark and holds a kind of darkness of his own.

Before I moved away we would train together constantly. We've been doing it since before he could walk. Today those training opportunities are rare. But we have made it a habit to get together at least once a year for a week or so of training and we film just about every minute of it.

This is the more hidden side of this overall tale. Sure there are ancient gods, artifacts, weapons, incredible landscapes, and unbelievable manifestations that defy imagination. But there is also the training, the violence, the brute force and the pain. Now, for all to see.

The Journeybook - Training Daze 2 (VIDEO)